Since the majority of Northwest will be attempting to find some sort of enjoyment out of spring break, and since most of us have long forgotten what the meaning of the elusive word “fun” means, a guide on how to make your spring break fun must be made.

First off, Netflix. If you don’t have it, poo for you. If you do, don’t bother reading the rest of this, because Netflix will be your spring break.

Second, food. Apparently, humans need sustenance to survive. However, getting up from the couch, toilet, or bed (wherever you have decided to set up camp during the week) requires  a certain amount of energy. So using the last vestiges of energy on Friday that you get from the excitement over the prospect of a week spent doing about the same amount of work as Congress, buy a ton of food. Junk food. Shame on your cow if you decided to associate with that organic crap. Buy Twinkies. Purchase Gatorade. Order pizza and offer to pay extra if they deliver it to the couch.

Third: Minimal human contact. This is your week; not anyone else’s! You do not HAVE to indulge anybody by talking to them. You can discourage people from disrupting your week of brain-paralysis by grunting ominously every time someone comes within ten feet of you.

Fourth: A few of you will actually attempt to DO something with your spring break, other than any of the things mentioned above. This includes getting outside, shopping for things you actually need, shopping for things you really don’t need, seeing a movie, or gasp working! In that case, enjoy. You won’t have a lot more time in the near future in which you won’t have a project or test hanging around, so take it while you can.